Letting go of perfect

This might be the hardest post yet. I've started it at least 10 times, but never made it past the title. You (I) see, originally I wanted to write about my struggle letting go of a need to be perfect at everything all the time. But as I've mulled this over I realized that while this is mostly true, what's even more true for me is that I need to be perceived by others as being perfect at everything all the time.

Ugh.

What an ugly truth!

There's a kind of martyrdom in perfectionism. There are worse things in life than striving for perfection. Perfectionists tend to work hard and accomplish alot. They produce quality work and persist through struggle to overcome obstacles. In their quest for perfect, people often tell perfectionists to not work so hard, not worry so much, not be so hard on themselves. In my world, these are compliments. "Don't work so hard!" = Strong work ethic! "Don't worry so much!" = You really care about what you do! "Don't be so hard on yourself" = You are humble.

[Two weeks has passed since I wrote what is above]:

Oh man, I just can't seem to finish this post...but I really want to get something down (because my thoughts only become real when I write them down). So I'm going to finish this post with a bulleted list of thoughts that don't have a cohesive beginning, middle, or end/conclusion (how's that for embracing good enough?!!):

• The need to appear perfect is a quality of perfectionism (at their core, perfectionists know they can't actually be perfect all the time, which results in feelings of anxiety and shame....which results in a mad cycle of Striving for perfect > Not achieving perfect (because it's impossible) > Anxiety and shame > Working harder to be perfect).
• I've been trying to understand perfectionism vs. striving to do well by reading what others have to say on the topic. I like this blog post and I like pretty much everything I've ever read or heard by Brene Brown (links to TED talks here). I just ordered her book Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. (Side note: After spending 20 minutes trying to figure out how to insert an accented e into this text, I decided to let go of perfect in favor of getting this damn post done, so Brene reads like it's pronounced "Breen", when in fact it is "Bre-nay". But it's OK. I'm embracing imperfect).
• A wise mentor and friend frequently reminds me "Don't let perfect get in the way of good" (or simply done, for that matter). This is a good daily reminder for me.
• It's important to try to understand the roots of perfectionism and how to break the cycle, because it appears that perfectionism is taught (not ingrained in our DNA, as the image above suggests). I learned it from my parents, and I'm teaching it to my kids.

I'll come back to this one I'm sure, but that's enough for now.

Ciao, baby...